Who Do You Spend Time With?

Hi, my name’s Father Mike Schmitz and this is Ascension Presents. So I came across this quote, I don’t know, a couple years ago by a guy named Jim Rohn. He’s a motivational speaker and like kind of a life coach guy and he made this claim. He said that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with, that, you know, we adopt the perceptions, the perspective, the worldview, the attitude, we adopt the kind of lifestyle of the five people we tend to spend the most time with. And I looked at my own life and I thought,
“Oh my gosh, that completely resonates,” right? Like, so a little story. I grew up in a family, was raised in a family where working out, exercising, just taking care of yourself was kind of a given, right, so on any given day of the week, whether it be a weekday or a weekend, the question was never, “Hey, are you gonna go work out today?” The question was, “What are you going to do for your workout today?” and that was the mentality, that was the the attitude of basically, all my family members and it was instilled in us by my
mom and my dad. And so, it became really easy to say, “No, that’s just a part of a healthy life is we get outside and run and bike and ski and do something outside.” Now later on in life, college, seminary or whatever, not
everyone has that mentality and I found myself spending a lot of time with people who their idea of working out would be, you know, to run to the door when the pizza box came, which is also a nice thing to do. It’s a nice little jog. Or they’re drinking the beer and sitting on the couch and watching TV or playing video games. And I found myself becoming less and less inclined to working out and more and more inclined to, “Yep, I’ll have another slice of pizza,” or
“Yeah, I’ll just kind of relax,” and not exercise. And I realized in myself like, “Yes, that’s right. I’m becoming, in a certain sense, the average of the five
people that I’m spending the most time with.” Now, I don’t think this is like scientifically verified. I just think this is kind of one of those observations that a guy like Jim Rohn and myself would make and say, “It seems true.” Now, but I’ve talked to people who have said like two things, like either “I don’t like that,” or they’ll say, “But what if you don’t have a
choice?” right? So like I have talked to people who are like, “I don’t like that idea. I don’t like the idea that you have to, you know, exclude yourself or that you’d have to not spend time with certain people because they’re not good for you.” Now, here’s what I’d say. I’d say no one’s saying you can’t spend time with certain kinds of people, but we are saying you
have to choose wisely, right? But I’ve found so many people in the last couple
years, in my experience, have this, what I call, a misplaced loyalty. So it’s like just because, you know, we went to high school together or just because we were on the same floor together in college or because we had the same major or because we happen to have like, you know, kids in the same grade or whatever that is, we have this then misplaced loyalty that I have to be friends with you, have to spend time with you now because we used to back then. That seems false, especially if you realize that this relationship, it’s not good for me, it’s not good for the people around me, because our first loyalty, of course, is first to God and our second loyalty, in many ways, is to ourselves. I mean, that might sound weird to say that but we have a responsibility to God
for the kind of people that we become. But again the second objection is,
“But what if you don’t have a choice?” What if the people you spend the most time with are people at work or better yet, or worse yet, I’m not sure, your family, people you’re related to. You don’t have a decision.
You don’t have a choice. I’ll say in that case there’s two things to keep in mind: One is boundaries.
We’re gonna do a video on that later on but like you can still establish boundaries with people that you work with or even, you can establish boundaries with family members and say, “No, just because we happen to be related to each other, doesn’t mean all bets are off, doesn’t mean you have complete access to my heart, my mind, and my life.” I can establish some boundaries and some clear boundaries. Secondly, if I recognize that the people I spend a lot of time with are people who complain a lot or they have a negative attitude towards life or they have a victim mentality or there’s a lot of gossip or there’s a lot of—
whatever that kind of negativity, not only can there be boundaries but secondly, I recognize that OK, I’m gonna
have to make some decisions and one of those decisions is I’m going to swim against the grain. I’m gonna go against the tide of the people that I’m
surrounded by. Doesn’t mean I don’t love them, but it does mean I’m making a decision that I will not be unduly influenced or, I will even say this, I will
not be unconsciously influenced because yep, I have an obligation to these people,
I must spend time with them. It’s a good thing. I’m honoring that commitment, but at the same time, I recognize that unless I make a decision to take a stand, to go against the grain, to go against the tide, that I will become the average of those five people I spend the most time with. Does that mean, again, we can’t
have friends who need help? No, of course not. Does that mean we can’t be close to people who do tend to gossip or do tend to have, you know, difficulty in life?
Of course not. But I would take a page out of like any of the saints, but let’s look at Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Saint Teresa of Calcutta. The people she spent the most time with were one, Jesus — two to three hours a day in Adoration. Secondly, her sisters, her religious sisters. Now to spend that much time with Jesus is to be lifted up, right? Spending that much time with Jesus and surrounding yourself by other sisters who are pursuing Christ was what gave Mother Teresa the power and the ability and the strength to reach out to those people that she served: the people who were forgotten, the people who were hard to love. And I just I love … one of my favorite stories in the Old Testament is obviously, the well not obviously, but I talk about it a lot, the story of David. He’s heroic as a young man, that he is courageous, that he is fearless, that he has the Lord and he’s dedicated to the Lord, but he would go after the fight, you know. When David meets Jonathan, it says in Scripture in First Samuel, it was that they immediately basically loved each other. You know, people, you know, modern people say,
“Oh gosh, bromance!” like no, no, no. What did they love? Well David saw something in Jonathan that he loved in himself and Jonathan saw something in David
that he wanted to be as well because earlier in that story, there’s a story of how Jonathan like was also courageous, was also brave, was also one of those kind of people who would say, “Something needs to be done. I’m gonna go do it,” just like David was when Goliath was challenging the Israelite army, “Something’s to be done. I’ll go do it.” And they saw in the other like,
“That’s the kind of person I want to be. That’s the kind of person I want to hang around.” I think it might be a truth or at least close to a truth that we become roughly the average of the five people we spend the most time with. So who are you choosing to spend the time with? You only have one life. We have a loyalty and responsibility to God first, to ourselves, to become the kind of people God wants, second and then, if we are that kind of person,
we can reach out to others, third. From all of us here at Ascension Presents,
my name is Father Mike. God bless you and your five friends.
*click* Wink? I don’t think I should wink, that
seems weird. If I have wink plus the finger guns, that’s different but not like *click* “Hey there,” *click* No, that doesn’t work! How about this? *click click* That’s better, right? Is it better? Probably not better. It’s probably weird. Probably weird. It’s weird.

100 thoughts on “Who Do You Spend Time With?

  1. I don't remember what bible verse but I remember hearing Jesus saying "tell me who your friends are that I'll tell you who you are" the message being you become type of person you surround yourself with.

  2. Loved, loved Father Mike, right on the money, I try to stay away from gossip n those ppl, even if it means not having anyone to hang out with. I rather be closer to God.😊

  3. I don't really spend time with anyone. According to your reasoning I will become no one?
    I guess it's time to start praying to the Many-Faced God then.

  4. I'm not sure if a video was already made of this, but can Father Mike make a video about Spiritual Directors (aka explain what they are, what they do, how to find one, etc)? 😊

  5. Another great one. I am trying to discern spending more time with people that have a passion for teaching and helping to serve others. Like David and Jonathan example, it brings out the best in me and others when this love for teaching and helping others is present. I see how I would be destined for the priesthood, as I enjoy spending time with devout Catholics the most…

  6. Hi fr. Mike, I just want to say that i enjoy your videos, but I just recently watched the conference where you speak about same sex attractions and tolerance. I was very disappointed… When I saw you beating around the bush and talking flowery I was let down. These kids need supernatural convection not a "yes man." someone who accepts their homosexuality as a label is prideful. When you wanted to see a "Homosexual Saint" that really did it for me. For one Saints Die to themselves in Union with Jesus on the Cross! There will never be a homosexual Saint maybe a Saint that through God's Grace overcame the temptations of same sex attractions but never a Homosexual Saint that's a Prideful label. I hope you can make another video and give us the real truth on the matter not flowery snow flakes. Thanks Fr.Mike

  7. I hang out with people, who, at 12 noon and 3 p.m., when somebody says "Angelus" or "Divine Mercy," we know exactly what to do and why. I love my friends, they are God's gifts.

  8. Hello, I added spanish subtitles to this video, may some of you validate them in order to make it available to all?

  9. I feel like I don't spend much time with anybody cause I'm always doing some kind of work. Most of my free time is spent on skype/Discord talking to friends. I guess that counts but I still feel very different from them in ways

  10. Hafa Adai! (Greetings) Guam is going through a trying time right now. I'd like some information on how we can get you to come out and visit us.

  11. Father Mike, I have a question about Catholic church ans Orthodox church, what is.the difference(I am Romanian and I am orthodox) and I am asking myself what is the difference.

  12. i know this has nothing to do with this video, but if you are a Catholic that believes in hell (which from your other videos i know you are) what do you say about what the pope said recently? im just curious, i don't want to be offensive

  13. If father Mike answers certain comments I hope he answers this one. What I want to be is Saved and assured that I can never lose my Salvation. What say you father Mike?💝

  14. anyone help me out with this question? how did abraham convince others to follow the faith in the sense of one god rather than many? and how to establish the foundation of Jewish faith being the right faith prior to jesus

  15. Fr mike can't find any video about the sabbath day on your channel. And can u please make one. Am hearing that God made it Saturday but we catholicchristians turn it to Sunday.

  16. We live in a society where some people completely open to satan and let satan dwell into their souls. These are the people we should not spend time with, and only God could convert them. These people completely let satan take over their life. Anything that doesn't benefit them entirely is wrong to them.

  17. Father Mike, I just want to say for my very brief time in knowing about this Channel, I think it's very lovely. To be honest, I am non-denominational,. but I deeply love our Father and Jesus Christ. I see myself as non-denominational Christian with a growing Catholic viewpoint, since it speaks so much to me now that the Holy Ghost is filling me with understanding. . I know that's not the same as being Catholic of course, but I think it might be the path our Father intends for me.

    Thank you so much, and praise Him for leading me here.

  18. #FrMike. Do you know who Corrie Ten Boom is? I watched an incredible documentary about her and how she and her family helped save Jews during WWII. She wrote a book about her eperiences, "The Hiding Place". If you haven't heard of her please add her book to your reading list. Can non Catholics become saints?

  19. Thank you Father Mike for this video. I've been striving to stay true to myself and better yet, improve myself regardless of what others are doing around me. My husband is a great role model for this, ever since I met him he has always had his own mind and no matter what others say or do he does what he thinks or knows is best. It can be frustrating sometimes (he takes extra convincing to change his mind on anything lol), but it is also one of his most admirable traits that he is so unwavering, especially when it comes to his moral standards. The best relationships are those that bring out the best in you. I'm lucky I have him. ❤️

  20. Thank you with all my heart. I really needed to hear this. I am struggling with this right now, I don't know how to proceed. I spend most of my time with my wife and two boys(15/14). It is getting more difficult to get them up and go to church with me on Sundays, and there are times I find myself not wanting to get up and deal with the fight and then not going to church myself. My wife is the hardest to convince, and my boys will follow her more than me. My boys I can understand, I was a teenager once to and did not like getting out of bed early on the weekends either. If I could ask you to pray for them and me I would appreciate it. Thank you again for all the great videos!!!!

  21. Awesome video! Thank you so much! I have a friend who complains and acts like a victim. Should I push him to fix that?

  22. Fabulous! I think the key is what you said, "go against the grain", yes, love people, associate with them, but stand out in our faith, be the salt of the earth! Don't participate in gossip at work, don't live with your boyfriend, don't get drunk with people who do. Thank you.

  23. I needed this. I know someone who makes more of my friendship with them than it really is. They are inflammatory in so far as Jesus isn't a priority. He's super worldly and doesn't understand how much he's missing out. I've been trying to be as good an influence as I can be, but honestly, I'm going to have to let the friendship go. I'll still be around for them, I just can't spend time with them until they understand.

  24. #askfrmike I don't think I'm Catholic anymore. I know history. Beyond what the Church teaches. I believe in the Spirit but organized religions seem to be full of egomaniacs that don't care about anything other than having their egos scratched….I just really want to talk to somebody about things but I don't know who.

  25. I need to talk to him and spend time with my mom and thats all I have is my family my mom and my sister! I am need of help and I am dying here!

  26. Scary considering how much time we spend at work. I spent 11 months with demons at Gomorrah hospital. I took the high road at great cost (in earthly terms). I'm still recovering. Choose work wisely!

  27. Fr. Mike. Where is the boundary video you mentioned that will be posted later? Has it been made yet? I really need it.

  28. I struggle with choosing between surrounding myself with more Christians or continuing to try and be an example for my friends that haven't accepted Jesus. They all have had bad interactions with Christians and I'm the only example of that for them now.

  29. Poor eeyore would be friendless in today's ideal. Surrounding ourselves by our own ideas of perfection is perhaps not healthy nor Christian. A junk food munching friend may be exactly who you need.

  30. Lately I've been spending a lot of free time with my cat. I started scratching the couch and following laser dots. #friendproblems

  31. Fr Mike, I love your vids and I watch all my vids on X2 speed … but when I watch yours at that speed its like – WARP SPEED haha! … a special kind of Fr Mike speed (haha sorry this is a non content related comment here!! :D) … content was great too tho – as always!!! ..

  32. Thank you father Mike for these beautiful words! They have come as a gift from God, specifically this day! God bless you always, father!

  33. Also what – I think – should be mentioned in the video is that YOU too are one of five people to someone else. Be good and you shall make others good! Influence works two ways after all.

  34. Fr. I've been trying to find out d real truth about Christians doing yoga as an exercise ! Could u plz explain wat the truth is according to d bible n wat are the views of d vatican about it

  35. I love the little funny bits at the end absolutely brilliant Father, that’s gold 😂

  36. Looking over some of the history on my Facebook,where I beleive no one can know anyone right,you could by this Chrome Book St. Michael the Archangel bought for me and find out who some of my true friends are ampng all kinds of people I have never met like Jacinta and Francisco,whpo live in Loja, ecuador. They are also children of a saint Papa Francisco canonized and was also even with in a school in Loja. See, he alkso was here with me years Ago as a Spanish professor and in charge of the Foreign Language Department at Lehigh University. But he was in the process of publishing my poems in spanish properly when EWTN claimed he could not. His divine spouse was St. Mariana.

  37. Here’s another video about friendship that is also important to watch (in the end of the message there is the link). Really loved the video of father mike, you helped me a lot about a situation I am struggle with.

  38. Thank you God. In God's time, this is the answer I've been praying and discerning for, for years. 
    Thankfully, my current five persons are: Jesus, Mother Mary, St. Joseph, St. Joaquim, St. Anne. This means I may not need as many physical human friends, like before.

    God bless, Proverbs 31

  39. This video is old but I just decided to watch this video again. I have three close friends in school but none of them are serious Catholics. It not only makes me lonely, it honestly makes living a Catholic life harder. The Book of Proverbs tells us that man sharpens man as iron sharpens iron. Well, I guess I will be looking for five people who also want to serve Christ. Hopefully, will find those people.

  40. Thank you father Mike
    I love your videos

    And your sense of humour
    You are very special

    God keep you safe and protect

  41. Yes you are so right father Mike
    Regarding taking care of ourselves
    And having boundaries

    God bless Father Mike

  42. Good talk, my mom used to say " birds of a feather flock together". The type friends we choose reflects the relationship we have with God.

  43. This is so true about the 5 people. I refuse to be in this circle. My options are greater. I am so happy I heard this from Father Mike.

  44. I shoot people I like with a finger gun so I obviously don’t think it was weird.

    An Episcopalian priest shot me with a finger gun last week. She likes me. She included your sound effect. She’s an awesome lady.

  45. There is a reason why the phrase " birds of a feather flock together", we are like those we hang out with. Following the spirit of this video – let us choose wisely to surround ourselves with those that will direct our hearts and minds to heaven. Only then, can we find ourselves on a path most pleasing to God. Thank you Fr. Mike for the affirmation of what friendships should be.

  46. it's also a good way of judging what your potential partner is – don't look at them, look at their friends. What are their friends really like ? – assuming of course, you're in a position (college/uni/school/work) where you can see what their friends are like.

    I've been doing this for years with anyone in general, it's a good way to know what the new person is like.

  47. Well lets see, I haven't seen my 15 year old in 5 years because his father breaks the court order and pits him against me. So I really just sit in my house and rot alone. But I'm moving to a permanent vacation to meet someone soon.

  48. Why on earth is a Priest of Christ consecrated in the eternal Sacrament of Holy Orders listening to modernism "life coach" motivational speakers? The Church has the fullness of truth and a wellspring of knowledge that the secular world can only dream of.

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