“Peanut: Can you hear me now?” | Arguing with Myself | JEFF DUNHAM


– You know what else pissed me off today?
– What?
– Tried using my cell phone.
– Having trouble?
– Just like the stinking commercials.
Can you hear me now? How bout now?
Now? Now? Now? Now?
(Audience laughs)
– You know when you don’t hear in those
commercials?
– What?
– The other end of the conversation.
(Audience laughs)
(Peanut sputters)
(Audience laughs)
(Peanut makes static sound)
(Audience laughs)
– What the hell is this (bleep)?
(Audience laughs)
– You know what cell phones sex is?
– Nope.
– Can you feel me now?
How bout now?
(Audience laughs)
(Peanut laughs)
– Stop it.
(Audience laughs)
– This guy’s not getting any of this.
I’ve been watching him the whole time
and it’s all going
(razor sound)
I’m just kidding buddy what’s your name?
What is your name?
I’m (bleep) looking right at ya!
(Audience laughs)
– Aren’t I?
– I think so.
(Audience laughs)
– Fix my eyes, ass(bleep).
(Audience laughs)
– It’s hard to talk to
somebody if they’re not
looking right at them.
– I know.
– It’s like trying to talk somebody
that’s got a lazy eye. You don’t know
which eye to focus on.
(Audience laughs)
– Have you ever done
that? You’re sitting there
talking to them thinking
aw crap should I be
looking at that eye or that eye?
(Audience laughs)
– Focus here you moron!
(Audience laughs)
– (high pitched voice) What?
(Audience laughs)
– What if someone here has a lazy eye?
– I’ll confuse them.
Here I am.
No here.
Here. Here. Here.
(Audience laughs)
– (mouths) I’m sorry.
(Audience laughs)
– Do you know what Pesto is?
– Pesto? Is it the stuff
that goes on salad and pizza?
– Nope.
Pesto it’s a magician with a hair lip.
(muffled) and now.
(Audience laughs)
– (muffled) and now!
(audience laughs)
– What if somebody here has a hair lip?
– (with lisp) thorry.
– Oh stop it.
(Audience laughs)
– Boy what if they had a hair
lip thing and a lazy eye?
They’re really gonna be methed up.
(Audience laughs)
– Back to you dude. (razor sound)
– I’m kidding you right here in the
blond hair and glasses
what is your first name?
– (Audience Member) Terry.
– (singsong voice) Terry!
(Audience laughs)
– What do you do for a living, Terry?
– A business analyst.
– A business analyst?
Fascinating.
(Audience laughs)
– How the hell does that work?
You go to a business and go
mmm mhm mm
(Audience laughs)
– You are a business.
(Audience laughs)
(Audience members clap)
( Peanut laughs)
– So where were we before this?
– Before this we were in , uh, D.C
– Ah, yes. Washington, D.C.
Doing a show in a
theater. A lovely theater.
Five minutes into the
show I had to look down
about where you’re sitting.
There was a guy sitting
right there where you are
and he was facing that way.
– Right.
– And every time I said
something the guys went..
(Audience laughs)
– And I go hey buddy what are you doing?
And the guy goes..
(Audience laughs)
– It was a signer.
– Right.
– A signer!
Think about that for
a second. They brought
a bunch of deaf people
to see the ventriloquist.
(Audience laughs)
– What?!
What do you do next? Take blind folks
to see David Copperfield?
(Audience laughs)
– The elephant disappeared!
(Audience laughs)
– It just (bleep)ing disappeared.
(Audience laughs)
– Oh my god he’s juggling
now. You should see- –
oh sorry!
(Audience laughs)
– The hell are they thinking?
– And this is in the
show and then this guys
pissing me off cause I’ve
never seen myself talk before.
(Audience laughs)
– And I thought okay I’m
going to get even with
this guy. And suddenly
in the middle of the show
I went hey, stop sign,
thank you, turn around
don’t honk your horn, horseshoe, turtle
(Audience laughs)
– And this poor bastard’s
just signing away.
(Audience laughs)
– All the deaf folks are like..
(Audience laughs)
– The hell’s going on?
(Audience laughs)
– Our guy sucks.
(Audience laughs)
– And then to really screw
with the guy I went..
(mouths nothing and laughs silently)
(Audience laughs)
– Of course now he’s just sitting there.
All the deaf folks are like uhhh
(Audience laughs)
Come on!
What are we missing?!
(Audience laughs)

100 thoughts on ““Peanut: Can you hear me now?” | Arguing with Myself | JEFF DUNHAM

  1. Gotta love the censoring at 1:01 "Fix my eyes AssH***" Uh excuse me, im pretty sure you're supposed to censor the OTHER part of that word.

  2. You know the whole thing with the cell phone thing that pretty much happened to me one time and I said this to myself what a piece of shit why I did we buy this piece shit phone and it wasn’t even iPhone it’s it was another touchscreen phone but I had a little problem sometimes glitches all the time

  3. I think Peanut is one of the funniest puppets that Jeff has, he's SO unpredictable, never know what he's going to say though, guess that's what I like about Peanut 🙂

  4. Peanut: Teerrrrrry! What do you do for a living, Terrrryyyyy?

    Terry: A business analyst.

    Peanut: A- a business analyst? F a s c i n a t i n g. How the hell does that work? Eh- go to a business and go "Mmm mmm mmm mmmm….. You are a business."

  5. “Hey! Stop sign! Thank you! Turn around! Doing-doing! Horseshoe! Turtle! all of a sudden, a bunch of gibberish And this dude is SIGNIN’ AWAAAAYYY”

  6. as someone who struggles with being deaf (hence I have two cochlear implants to help me) I just fucking died XD your a funny man

  7. i love jeff this guy can get away with anything they just ball laughing, he went from cell phone sex
    to making fun of lazy eye people to making fun of the deff and their still balling haha

  8. deal with a lot of pain like tonight Peanut always makes me forget hard to explain or understand sometimes I laugh so hard I forget about it thank you

  9. "TERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY", was the part that cracked me up ALOT..
    José: I laughed so hard I crack my stick. XD
    Me: *Being funny* *Yells out classmates' name* "JERRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!"

  10. I swear this guy is so good at ventriloquism ,and I know a lot of people say this, but some times I forget these puppets aren’t alive, each of them have there own personalities and Jeff is such a perfect guy for comedy and I just love peanut, Jose, and achmed there probably my favorite characters in these amazing shows which is probably why I find myself binging them after a long day of school so thanks Jeff you make my days better which is why I want to see one of your shows someday

  11. So, Peanut is great!!! But, who is that guy on stage by him? Security!? Security!? 😛 Love ya Jeff Dunham! Thanks for all the fun!

  12. If I were to ever get a “neow” directed at me by Peanut I would NOT be disappointed. Also, when Peanut always goes to eat Jeff’s face is the funniest thing 😂

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